this is worrying me. as time goes on, i find that i'm making more and more excuses for myself. it's not the lack of time, though i certainly need to further solidify the whole "time management" concept. it's something else.

laziness perhaps? and i don't want it to be that way. there are a lot of things i don't want, but i get/have to deal with them. the very things i DO want, i seldom get. it's the reality of life i guess.

back to my previous point

as time goes on, i look back on the "journey of life" that i've embarked on, and i realised that i've had good and bad experiences. who hasn't? and friends make up alot of those particular experiences.

i don't want to lose friendships, i want to renew them. there's a lot of good memories to be had. so what happened? why did we drift apart? it wasn't the distance. some friendships i have now didn't fall apart because of distance. perhaps for some i merely made more effort to keep in touch than i did others.

and still, i feel some ounce of guilt at the thought of the good friends i made but didn't keep in contact with. were they waiting for me to call them? who makes the first move? i think the smart move is to prioritize. who's important in our lives and who's not. those that are important keep in contact naturally. conversations aren't stilted or false. even after many years, when you meet up, they must be people you can instantly connect with. those are the ones who are worth your time and effort to continue a friendship with.

others are merely aquintances. people who had a share in your life's journey. but it was just a minor share. they walked on with their own lives and didn't really tie into yours. there shouldn't be guilt at lack of contact because they probably felt that i didn't play that big a part in their lives as well.

in the end, the people who stick with you through thick and thin are the ones who truly matters. others were just there at that moment.